[Disclaimer: This blog, and all entries I’ve made over the last few years, shies away from generalizing that such issues are only happening here in the country I live in, abroad, away from ‘home’. Even if I’ve stated that international organizations have placed this country’s judicial system relatively high on corruption-in-the-Courts lists, I admit my own country is somewhere mid-ranking on the very same list. Indeed, this type of crap happens all over the world, with certainty. Please don’t dismiss my comments about what those involved in the various phases of the Court dealings have done as a narrow-minded blanket statement about all people living here. Though I am admittedly bitter–and rightly so, and although I have reasons to be cynical and skeptical about the people directly involved in the last 3.5 years of this hellishness (and those behind the scenes), I don’t want readers to feel I have cast all citizens of this country in a negative light, for I have not. Yes, I fully have reason to believe that either racism or corruption, discrimination or bias have been at play here, and I can provide logical explanations and evidence as to why that’s so, but I will never categorize all here as being on board with and inclined to such antics. My apologies in advance if any statements come off as harsh.]
Revelations from an Aussie Dad
[This blog posting was started a few months beforehand, but published in June, 2017.]
If you’ve been prone to reading my periodic posts here these past three and a half years, posts that have primarily focused on the pathetic nature of the ongoing divorce proceedings and custody case battles I’ve endured, you may recall that one of my entries was Crawling out of the Woodwork. Because I have had expats here get in touch with me through this blog, or via word-of-mouth contacts, or through my GoFundMe campaign, I have readily discovered that I am surely not the only foreigner here who has undergone and/or at times escaped from the hellishness of the wrath of either on-the-warpath local families or vengeful ex-wives who have aimed for the jugular in keeping the children, the money, the whole shebang.
For example, from abroad I’ve received messages about how a former expat has started over back home, in Canada, with a new family and children, after having given up here, having acquiesced because he got nowhere in seeing his children nor gaining legal rights as a custodian. His comments broke my heart–and I simply couldn’t fathom needing to “start over” with a new family to replace the old because he was forced away from his children here.
Additionally, a European man I’d met a few times has also recently thrown in the towel after losing his custody appeal case, a story that brought tears to my eyes, for in his homeland, the Courts would most likely have given joint custody because the system there targets the children’s need for both parents as of utmost importance (unlike here, where even my custody verdict states, “If parents cannot get along nor communicate**, then one party shall receive sole custody”). [**For 3.5 years, such antics have clearly been perpetrated for that reason, undoubtedly, with that end goal in mind that only one person will get legal rights if the two parties don’t work well together after separation or divorce.]
However, amidst the horror stories of unfairness, injustice, and discrimination, rare stories of hope have periodically popped up, and just yesterday, it happened again.
At a cafe in the capital city, my ears wide open and my mind going a mile a minute, I listened intently to the revelations an Aussie expat made about the six-plus years of his own hell here, which had even trickled over to antics Down Under a number of times during that span.
With the focus on his daughter, his stories about how he’s actually received full custody inspired me, allowing the slightest slimmer of hope that all is not done yet. Will such results be possible in my appeal case? Or will such outcomes destroy me, my relationship with my two children?
Without a doubt, his ex tried to destroy him, and he has risen from the fire. Yet, he seems to have doubts, still, about how much more he can endure because even though he has custody of his child, she comes home to lament things the mother and her family have filled her head with.
Knowing that the judge in my now eight-months-old appeal case is currently reviewing the case documents, I am nervously-more-than-eagerly champing at the bit to see how this unfolds for me. However, for two hours yesterday, I was reminded that just decisions are still possible.
To say that our stories have run parallel is impossible, yet there were countless similarities that came out, with some details being shockingly analogous. Here is a run down of experiences he has braved, been beaten down by at times, with some being eerily equal to what I’ve witnessed; other experiences, more unbelievably tragic; others less so:
- To help get through the worst times, he has started an outline for a book he’d like to write about his nightmare, just as I have done, yet he finds it hard to go back and read nowadays because it brings a lot of negativity to his heart, for bad memories come rushing back. I mentioned how reading old emails, for me, especially the positives about love and from when things were good, while looking for evidence about finances and a whole slew of issues to give the Courts, can likewise bring on a lot of emotional turmoil. He’s got the title already chosen, as do I for mine.
- Sadly, he has also had thoughts of throwing in the towel–even now, but not so much, it seems, for a lack of energy (though he’s been through the ringer), but rather as a way to lessen the probability that his daughter will have to endure more of what she has. The stories he explained, revealing what the child says to him when she comes back from weekends at the mother’s, immediately haunted me, pulling at heart strings to the point of deep exhalations and the need to fight back tears. With everything from, “Grandma and Uncle said you’re a bad person,” to “Mama said you used to do bad things to her,” such lamentations from the daughter are clearly indicative of the games being played–and the end goal in mind. As the Aussie bloke described similar divulgements his lil’ one shares, I couldn’t help but highlight my own experiences with my children stating, “Baba, we come back too late at night to call you because Mama said you’re sleeping,” or, “Grandma said one day is enough at your house,” [though the Court allows the whole weekend, twice a month; incidentally, all has been given to the Court on audio or video recordings]. And one moment of such behind-the-scenes tactics stands out clearly when, two years ago at a park, in front of three other adults, my daughter and son started chanting, “Baba is a liar, Baba is a liar,” after my daughter caught on that I was sharing something to the mom who was present, out of earshot from the kids. From out of the blue, their saying such things knocked me for a loop. That moment crushed me, remaining indelibly imprinted on my memories from the last 3.5 years. Brainwashing blatantly? Subtle hints? Whatever they are, it is cruel.
- Having apparently made off well financially back in his home country before moving here, he had some money to invest in his two-to-three years of full-fledged efforts to fight for his daughter, so he didn’t work full-time. Envious I was listening to that facet of his experiences that I cannot relate to, for I’ve had to burn the candle at both ends for the duration, beating myself down doing so. One thing I could simply concur with was his statement that, “It was a full-time job going through the Courts here.” Well said.
- And here, Dear Reader, is the deal breaker, in his favor, something so horribly wrong, that one should applaud the Courts here for their decision. It turns out that after separation, his wife moved back to Australia, leaving him here with his daughter. When his child was a mere three, the mother started writing the Courts and social services warnings that he was molesting their daughter. She made claims from afar that they needed to intervene. Apparently, contact was made, with queries about his behavior, etc. At some point, the wife returned and the allegations continued, enough so that the Courts decided to order a physical exam of the girl, for mother accused him of penetrating their offspring with his fingers, both vaginally and anally. Lo and behold, however, the doctors examinations revealed no foul play, no signs and symptoms whatsoever. His daughter, too, admitted to Court-ordered social services, that, “Mommy told me to say those things.” Combined, that was enough, supposedly, that the Judges awarded FULL CUSTODIAL RIGHTS to the father! Now, even celebrating such a victory does NOT seem even remotely right because it came at the expense of a wee child’s emotional and mental suffering, hardship, challenges. However, kudos must be given to the judicial system for stepping up to the plate for the Aussie dad and his daughter. NO WOMAN DESERVES THE RIGHT TO HAVE DECISION-MAKING POWER OF HER OWN CHILDREN, GIVEN THAT BEHAVIOR (AND NO MAN SHOULD EITHER, IF THE ROLES WERE REVERSED).
His story, tragically arduous, gave me a ray of hope momentarily, as I started this posting back in February of 2017. However, as of June 7, 2017, my situation has dramatically worsened with the latest nonsensical, hurtful, allegations that I’m “planning evil acts”.
Other postings will be made to explain that all, but suffice it to say that my heart goes out to that Aussie’s daughter. May she live without scars from the ordeal that was forced upon her by a woman that clearly aimed to destroy her husband. Does a spouses hatred or vengeful attitude outweigh a child’s rights? Never. A lesson to be learned, indeed.