More of the same BS from the Courts in Kaohsiung was the focus of this July 2015 posting (originally here).
Having become increasingly frustrated with the uneven playing field of going through divorce and custody battles in a foreign land, I decided to express my disbelief to the Court investigator assigned to the custody case regarding the difficulties I was facing communicating effectively with my children. This is the content of my email:
Thanks for your communication about the ongoing saga about calls to my children.
Your last message to me (10/29/14) about your investigation’s final conclusion (attached screenshot) clearly stated my ex’s decisions about NOT calling her cell phone, and that I should only call in an emergency.
Ma’am, you wrote in your email from yesterday that you didn’t hear back from me last fall and that seemed to be the final decision. That is not true. You told me there was a deadline and you needed to make your decision by a certain date, and you did.
It wasn’t that you didn’t hear back from me after that message, it is that I expressed complete and utter disappointment that my ex’s suggestions were the outcome of your investigation and that I really didn’t agree to any of her suggestions (her rejecting my getting the kids a cell phone only for daddy’s calls, her originally rejecting any calls to the grandparents’ home, her originally rejecting calls outside of the 12pm-1230pm time limit she first gave). I knew that her “he can call the home at any time,” was going to mean I would have busy signals, no answers, and “oh, the kids’ aren’t home,” all the time. And that’s exactly what has happened. My success rate in getting to talk to my kids when I call is about 20%!
Ma’am, for the rest of my life, I will always know this truth: My ex deceived you. Totally.
In another (attached screenshot) email you wrote me last September, you wrote, “she still lived in the 14th floor, and you had the key.” Ma’am, do you know the truths of Court documents that she has claimed repeatedly that I am a violent man, that her and her parents are afraid of me? Why would a woman who claims they are afraid of me want me to just come back any time I wanted with a key? Do you know that she demanded the key back from me in emails after separation, saying the house was her place with the children? Do you know that she wrote me NUMEROUS emails that said, “You are not family any longer,” and “we’re a fully functional family without you,” and “the children are with the only family they have, and you’re not family,” for three months before taking the children for six months?
Ma’am, you wrote, “she thought if you’d like to see the children, you could come home directly. My six months of UNANSWERED emails and text messages told the kids how much I missed them, asking to see them, asking to visit, asking to bring them clothes, diapers, and even to open a bank account together for the kids. And she made you believe she was just waiting?
You then wrote, “in fact, she was waiting for you to come back.” Ma’am, the only fact about that is that is what she told you (it is a fact she said it to you), but it is a complete lie. The woman who wrote I was no longer family was NOT waiting for me. She pushed me further and further away. She ignored every attempt. Her mother hung up the phone when I called, so did her father when the Court restored my rights to call them through Court Order.
You said, “she was too disappointed of the problems… that’s why she didn’t reply your emails and texts.” Ma’am, that is incredible. Did you really believe that? A woman who claims she was waiting for me to return (and she has now told the court she was trying to save the marriage) ignored my emails for that reason? Isn’t that a complete contradiction? Did you know she wrote my aunt after separation that she was “ready to move on”, that we were “not meant to be,” and she was “ready to start the next chapter in [her] life”? Did you know she wrote my sister years ago and said, “I don’t know why things aren’t working out.” But she got you to believe that “you were still her husband,” and “you still had the key”? Didn’t you discover in your court investigation that my ex filed for divorce once I filed a petition to see the kids, very early in 2014 (Feb?)? Does THAT sound like a woman trying to save her marriage, waiting for me, like you believed from what she told you?
You wrote, “she thought it was you that didn’t want the children” and “she didn’t know you felt so painful”. Really? Six months of writing emails to ask to see them did show her I wanted to see them? Texts to tell them how I cried seeing other children on the street didn’t show her I wanted my kids? My petition to the Court in early 2014 (and my injunction), soon after she abducted them didn’t show her I wanted them? My messages how I missed their birthdays and 20% of my son’s life…?
You really believed what she lied to you about? From the woman who wrote me one month after separation, “_______, the kids are your life,” and “you are a great daddy, and I would never take them away from you.”
Did your investigation look into those court documents I submitted that stated how I was a great daddy (her emails and FB messages)? Why would a man whose kids are his “life” not want his kids? Did you discover that?
She is saying in Court documents that I am terrible, that I abuse my kids, that I am irresponsible? Did your investigation look into those complete contradictions (i.e., she’s lying about everything) that I am a bad dad (in Court docs) but in her initial emails after separation (and for years before) she said I am a great daddy?
And you wrote, “It’s a pity you both didn’t know what was on each other’s minds due to the lack of chance for communicating.” Ma’am, the more I read your message from last fall, I am in disbelief. Did you request to see my communications to her and the kids, which I’ve submitted to the Court? Did you request to see the emails I wrote her and her parents and sister to plead to them to not do that to me (take the kids)? You label my six months of emails and texts as “lack of communication”? I truly cannot believe this.
Ma’am, you now write on July 6th that I should re-read your 10/29/14 email. I’ve done that many times this week, actually. I don’t know why you suggest it. It clearly states no cell calls!
Truth: Your last email to me (Oct. 29th, 2014) about the final decisions about calling the kids CLEARLY state that calls were NOT TO BE MADE to my ex’s cell phone! In ‘line 5’ of your email (screenshot attached), it clearly states, “since you can call the house phone, there’s no need to call hers.” And in the highlighted yellow text below, she wrote, “only call her’s when emergency“.
Her going on vacation with the kids and her not telling me to “please call my cell phone” is NOT an emergency. A friendly parent, according to Civil Code Article 1055-1, will simply tell their ex what’s going on and clearly communicate. When she wrote, “refer to the investigator’s report about calling the kids,” that does NOT quantify being a friendly parent. It is a riddle. A game.
And you now write, “if she currently reassures you that you can call her cell phone at any time…” but I must ask, “What are you talking about?” My ex has never said such a thing! Where did you get that information? Not once has she told me “You can call the cell phone at any time.” Never. Is that something that she is telling you? Again, I refer to all of the above: My ex is deceiving you.
Ma’am, do you know for the last SIX months, I’ve sent text messages to her 3-4 times each week, each time I cannot reach my kids? I ask to have them call me back. I ask when I can reach them. I ask what time is best. My ex in SIX months has not texted me back. One of your emails from last fall stated she would let me know when to call back, and last fall, she did. She stopped doing that half a year ago!
Finally, Ma’am, my third attachment is your email to me last September 23rd. You wrote about my daughter saying she doesn’t have a father (which against was caused by SIX MONTHS of being abducted by the mother and the grandparents).
You explained, “Your ex was worried, and she tried to convince her to change your daughter’s thoughts.” Really? Did you believe that is what she tried to do? The woman who intentionally took her children out of my life for 189 days was telling her daughter not to think she didn’t have a daddy? Really? Wouldn’t the best way to show my daughter she had a daddy then be to let me see my kids (which I requested repeatedly)? Then you wrote, “she really thinks it is harmful for the kids if they don’t have a strong bond to their father.” But in Court documents, she has written that I should see them LESS than what I do now. And her custody plan which she submitted states, “two Sundays a month from 9am-5pm, only, and no communication in between”! Does that plan sound like a woman who told you that the kids need a strong bond with their father? She is aiming to take my children away, yet she made you believe that she wants me to have a bond with them? Did your investigation look into any of those Court documents from her and her lawyer?
My ex has submitted (in the last two weeks) documents that include copies of the emails between you and her last fall. Why on earth did you forward or Bcc her on emails between you and me at the time? Why was she privy to the emails you and I had together? You didn’t send me emails that you and her wrote to each other! Then why was the opposite allowed? It is truly perplexing that you shared my messages with her.